dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize