i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
