if you like me you must not know who I am
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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