She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
