he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
