I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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