I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
