i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
