you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
