Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
