Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
