Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
please don't ironically join a cult
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