She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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