how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
