I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
