I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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