can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
