Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
