Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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