How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
