do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
