i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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