you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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