i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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