it was like his penis was on wheels.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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