i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
