life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
