I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
