There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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