glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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