so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize