Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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