it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
