take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
