I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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