1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
