Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
