I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
