i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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