woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just want nice things and good sex
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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