EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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