Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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