Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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