Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
