No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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