I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
