Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
