So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't deserve a penis
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I FOUND THE LEGS
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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