Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
