ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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