She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
