hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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