I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
