You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
