Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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