I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
