I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
50% drunk capacity currently
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
