how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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