you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
