I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
