I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
