she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
