i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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