Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
