I'm gonna have a badass scar
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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