just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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