There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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