never play flip cup with pint glasses
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
