I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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