I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
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She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
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There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
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