I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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