So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
