I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
