what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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