I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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