The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
