Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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