I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
