Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
