i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
