I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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