This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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