Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
