The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
