Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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