I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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