I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
