sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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