u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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