dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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